


The One Where Jim Curses a Lot

by TechDuinn (SnarkMonster)



Series: The One Where... [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, First Time, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-02-01
Packaged: 2017-11-27 20:39:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnarkMonster/pseuds/TechDuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He was in love with his straight and completely unavailable XO, and if there was ever a no-win scenario in the history of existence, it was that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jim doesn’t remember the precise moment when his affection for Spock tripped over the line of friendship and slid firmly into sappy, hearts-in-his-eyes, (but also panting-like-a-whore for his cock) romance. It’s really a futile effort on his part to even try. He’d been attracted to Spock since the first time he was ever confronted with the fact that, although Vulcan, Spock was still sentient, and therefore had _urges_ and that had been about seventeen hours into their acquaintanceship.

And, seriously, the shock of seeing Uhura and Spock suck face on the transporter pad was one of the more memorable What the Fuck moments he’d ever had, and the subsequent wet dreams about the _three_ of them doing the horizontal tango had haunted him for weeks. He’d been damn near petrified of accidentally brushing up against Spock and broadcasting his pervy thoughts for the telepath to hear.

But despite what Uhura and the majority of his graduating class and, okay, _the whole of Starfleet_ might have thought, Jim was perfectly capable of controlling (suppressing, ignoring, denying) his feelings in a bid to keep the work environment professional, and there was no way in hell he would have jeopardized his captaincy for a quick roll in the hay—er, well, Jeffries tubes. Not that Spock would have indulged him anyway, because Spock was a one woman man, and while he hadn’t still _hated_ Jim at that point, they’d been circling each other like wary dogs, just waiting for the other to show the first signs of teeth.

And then that horrible fuck up of a first contact mission had happened, and Jim had been forced to admit that he was most certainly in _way_ over his head, and tuck his tail between his legs before going to knock on Spock’s door to beg for help. And Spock’d said yes, and hadn’t even pulled any of his condescending bullshit when trying to assist Jim with managing the multitude of tasks that he hadn’t even known fell under his purview.

That had been around the time that Jim shoved his attraction in a tiny little box in the farthest corner of his mind, put it under lock and key, and then wrapped it up with yellow caution tape. And once he’d quit tugging on Spock’s pigtails the air suddenly began to clear, and Spock was firmly moved over from the “God, I’d Love to Fucking Tap That/Hate Sex” columns into the “Nothing to See Here, We’re _JUST_ Friends” column (right under Gary). And suddenly Jim realized that he and Spock made a great team, and fuck it all, but Spock was one of the most amazing friends he’d ever had, and maybe he’d screwed up worse than he’d thought by pre-judging Spock so harshly and stealing away his command and forcing him to admit to having _feelings_.

Jim had never known that guilt could be retroactive.

There was nothing he could do to make up for how much of a goddamn heartless, cocky shit he’d been (but he sure as hell tried), and although he never told Spock about how he was drowning in fucking despair over what he’d done, Spock wasn’t an idiot. He was, in fact, one of the smartest people on the face of existence, and he mostly only played dumb when it came to idioms and emotions and shit like that because, in a perverse way, it made him more approachable. Spock figured out (in no time fucking flat) that Jim giving over the surplus in the budget to the Science Departments and doing his own paperwork (for once) and arranging it so Spock could spend more time in the labs was Jim’s inept and totally deficient way of trying to apologize. He even considered letting Spock beat him at chess for god’s sake, although in the end he didn’t have it in him.

And so Spock had invited Jim over for a game, and shocked the shit out of him by gently laying a handon his shoulder and telling him, hesitantly, but so fucking _earnestly_ that Jim had felt like his heart was going to implode, that Jim had never owed him any debt, and that even if Jim had, he’d more than repaid it by being the one person in the whole of the universe that accepted Spock for exactly who he was.

After that, Jim started to get this sharp stab in his chest whenever he was around Spock, and he hadn’t known why, or how to fix it, and he suddenly had these strange urges to touch him ( _tenderly_ , for god’s sake) ALL the time. And it only got worse, and to the point that Jim didn’t feel right if he didn’t spend enough time with Spock every day. And Spock wasn’t helping at all, the bastard, because he just let Jim get with the touchy-touchy whenever he wanted, and actually seemed pleased (Spock-- _pleased_ ) that Jim wanted to be in his presence so much.

And Jim hadn’t even realized what was going on-- really, truly, honestly had had _no idea_ \--until after Spock was kidnapped and imprisoned and tortured by the fucking Romulans. He’d been abducted dirt side, and it had taken two hours before anyone had realized that Spock hadn’t checked in on time (and oh, how the heads had later rolled for that screw up). Jim had flipped the fuck out, and nearly torn the _Enterprise_ apart trying to find out who had taken his XO and where, and after three days they managed to track the ship into the neutral zone, which was just fucking wonderful, because the multitudes of “We promise we won’t go into the neutral zone. Pinky swear,” treaties the Federation had signed with the Romulans tied Jim’s hands firmly behind his back.

It took him two days to come up with and carry out a workable rescue plan --which, of course, he did, because he was James T. Fucking Kirk, and you _did not_ mess with his crew. By the end of it, he was so drained he could barely stand, let alone try to control his thoughts in Spock’s presence, which was really fucking unfortunate, because when they beamed Spock back onboard he was sporting the beginnings of a beard, and Jim’s first thought upon seeing it was to wonder what that scruffle would feel like scraping against the insides of his thighs. 

Which was about the time that Jim realized he was fucked, because after that the goddamn Pandora’s Box in his head immediately sprung wide fucking open. And it wasn’t even like he could separate his renewed and all-consuming hunger for Spock’s dick from his affection for the guy, because he didn’t just want to fuck the Vulcan composure right on out of him anymore, he wanted to _spoon_ afterwards.

He was _in love_ with his straight and completely unavailable XO, and Jesus Christ, if there was ever a no-win scenario in the history of existence, it was that. Jim managed to stave off the overwhelming urge to pin Spock to the nearest horizontal surface (or any flatsurface, really; Jim was easy) only by keeping the image of what Uhura would do to his cock should she find out just where he wanted to stick it in the front of his mind. And then Spock and Uhura broke up, and Jim’s life got about 10 times harder (in every excruciating sense of the word). Spock was so fucking devastated and confused and desperate to win Uhura back that Jim wanted to fucking scream, because the fact that he was in goddamn love with the guy meant he was torn between being over-fucking-joyed that he didn’t have to watch those two make eyes at each other, and wanting nothing more than to order Uhura to stop being such a bitch and take Spock back, because Spock’s hurt was Jim’s hurt. And Spock was fucking _miserable_. 

Needless to say **,** it got fucking awkward on the bridge around that time, because even though Spock and Uhura were utterly professional, there was a stilted, uncomfortable nature to their interactions that hadn’t been there before, and everyone saw it. It threw them all off-kilter as people tried to figure out whether to take sides, and whose side were they supposed to take, anyway?  And Jim tried to follow Spock and Uhura’s lead in getting people to just get the fuck over it and act normally (because really, children, it wasn’t anyone’s fault), but Jim couldn’t help but feel bitter and betrayed over the fact that Uhura had carelessly tossed aside something Jim would have sold his soul to have, which meant he was sharp and cold and cross with her, and that made the situation even worse.

So in an effort to keep his sanity, Jim did the counter-intuitive thing, which was to make it his new life goal to get Spock laid. It made Spock really uncomfortable, but he never flat-out asked Jim to stop, just told him that he didn’t think it was appropriate, but, hell, when did Spock ever consider _anything_ fun appropriate? Jim found him lots and lots of human women, and some Vulcan women and even that one Trill ambassador, but Spock never followed through. And, yeah, okay, Jim could almost always tell in the first ten minutes, if not the first five, that Spock would never go for any of them, but Uhura had been out of left fucking field. There was a _slim_ chance.

Jim had been studiously not touching Spock without warning since his sudden discovery of his freaky new beard fetish, because Spock kept his shields up tight, but unexpected contact made it difficult for him to filter everything out. But Jim was no good at not touching Spock. Onenight, during shore leave when Jim was particularly shit-faced (because he’d chatted up a woman who was fucking perfect for Spock in every way and had needed to drown himself in liquid courage before introducing them), he’d snatched up Spock’s hand to tug him toward the bar, and had held fucking onto it like the dumb-ass while he was brooding over all the things he wished he could to Spock, for Spock, _with Spock_.

Spock had frozen halfway across the dance floor, and when Jim turned back to see what the hold-up was, he’d been struck dumb by the way the soft, glowy lights had illuminated the delicate, nearly imperceptible green cast of Spock’s skin, and made his brown eyes shine with warmth. And in that moment Jim had felt the anger and jealousy and resentment and uncertainty give way to pure, unadulterated affection, and had thought with the full weight of every ounce of sincerity and wonderment he possessed, “ _God,_ I love you.”

Then his brain had rebooted, and he jerked away with an awkward laugh, and anxiously watched Spock for any signs that he had picked up on Jim’s thoughts. Spock (the sly, ever-loving bastard) had played it utterly fucking straight, and told Jim that the noise of the club was getting to him, and he was tired, and they had to be on duty in less than eight hours, and could they please return to the _Enterprise_? And Jim was so drunk and utterly fucking relieved that Spock wouldn’t get a chance to meet his future wife L’nira, (or Lyra, or whatever the fuck) that he bought the excuses and let Spock lead him back to the _Enterprise_.

Jim had been able to tell something was off with Spock following that incident, but his memory of that night in particular was hazy, and the weirdness wasn’t at a great enough magnitude for Jim to assume that Spock knew about his feelings, so he chalked it up to the mid-year review/inspection they were undergoing and ignored it, because Spock was fucking perfectionist and even after three years hadn’t learned how to chill the fuck out. By the time the review was concluded, Spock had gone back to normal, and Jim had agreed to stop with the matchmaking, and all was right with the universe.

For five months.

Then there was a mission and a meld performed under less-than-ideal circumstances and a fuck-ton of emotional transference. And Jim was so desperate for Spock to understand that yes, he loved him, but that didn’t have to change anything, and he knew that Spock didn’t feel that way, and really, it meant _nothing_ , that he barged into Spock’s room at three a.m. the first day he was out of his healing trance and fucking babbled and babbled and _babbled_ , and didn’t stop until Spock shut him up with a human kiss.

Even though Jim had fantasized about that happening for _years_ , he was so fucking shocked he jerked away instantly. He opened his mouth to demand to know what the hell _that_ was when all of the pieces suddenly fell into place, and everything he’d felt on Spock’s side of the meld suddenly made sense, and Jim was left with a hollow where his heart had been.

He’d known. Spock had fucking _known_ , and he’d let Jim run around fucking bleeding internally from the hurt of knowing—thinking—that he would never get to have Spock, and Jim just—he just _couldn’t_ …

He left.

He would have left the fucking country had they still been on earth, just fucking up and abandoned his commission to run someplace that was empty and uncomplicated, but Jim was stuck on his ship, and surrounded by a crew that depended on him to show a brave face. Thefarthest he could go was an auxiliary observation room that was only ever used for quick hook-ups because of the thoroughly unspectacular view of the nacelles it offered. Jim sat in that room until his shift at 08:00, fucking beside himself with hurt and rage. It would have been different if Spock hadn’t been interested, if Spock had stayed silent because he wanted to spare Jim’s feelings, but this was so fucking … _beyond_ acceptable that Jim had no idea what to do with himself.

He decided to bury himself in his work. He reported to the bridge, and thank fuck Spock was still recovering, because Jim didn’t think he would have survived that tense atmosphere (rumors traveled even faster than the speed of god damn light) if he’d been there. Bones came for a visit halfway through shift and pinned him down with the we’re-going-to-talk-whether-you-want-to-or-not glare, and asked if he could stop by after shift for a “game of cards.” Jim knew better than to argue, and five hours later was sitting behind his desk with his head in his hands as he tried not to have a nervous breakdown.

Bones came in with a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, and watched him down a shot before gruffly telling him to buck the fuck up and stop acting like Spock had killed his puppy, because it was Bones’ fault that he hadn’t said anything, because at first Spock hadn’t know what to say, and had gone to the doctor for advice, and Bones had told him to keep his fucking mouth shut until he decided whether the feeling was mutual, because Bones had known that Jim was a lost fucking cause before Jim had even called his initial truce with Spock, and just how goddamn wrecked he would be if Spock decided to experiment with men and then decided it wasn’t for him. And really, _kid, would you fucking say something already?_

Jim didn’t. He just decked him.

Bones went down hard, and for a second Jim thought he’d seriously hurt him, but Bones knew how to take a hit and had been halfway expecting it anyway, so while his lip was split and his ears were ringing, he was otherwise intact. Jim spent the next thirty minutes pacing around his room, ranting at Bones for being a stupid asshole while he tried to restrain himself from hitting him again. He succeeded in that, although he’d also sworn (rather creatively) that he would never forgive Bones for keeping this from him, but within ten minutes of that declaration he’d locked Bones into a hug and tiredly promised to take his balls if he ever did anything like it again. 

Bones had apologized and then shooed Jim off to sickbay with a playful slap on the ass and an admonition to not keep Spock waiting, because the pointy-eared bastard had nearly broken his femur all over again trying to get out of sickbay to see Jim. Jim had smiled, but had been too drained to respond with any sort of snappy comeback.

When he got to med bay, Spock was sitting up in his bed patiently waiting for him, and for a few long minutes (the longest minutes of Jim’s life) they just stared at one another, the silence a fragile, living thing between them. Jim was petrified of fucking this up now that it was actually happening, and the very last thing he wanted was to lose Spock. Jim would gladly go back to the hell of unrequited love he’d been living in just to keep Spock in his life as a friend, the missing piece of his soul, the noblest part of him. There didn’t have to be any romance between them, much as Jim (really, _really_ ) wanted it, and he didn’t want Spock to feel pressured or beholden or coerced. For a minute, a full _minute_ , he debated walking away.

Then he came to his fucking senses and rushed across the room to tongue-fuck the living daylights out of the love of his life.


	2. DVD Extras

Of course, there were questions and answers and clarifications and admissions **,** and nearly all of them came much, much later when they were laid up in bed and too tired from enthusiastic and acrobatic why-the-fuck-did-we-wait-so-long-to-do-this sex to do anything other than talk.

Pike called them up and bitched them out for forty minutes when he got the paperwork declaring their change in relationship status, not because they were violating regulations (although they would have to complete a special course and then undergo a review at the end of the mission to prove they weren’t compromised),but because he’d had a hundred credits riding on them not calling it and jumping each other until after the homecoming ceremony, but thank god it had finally happened, because all the bullshit high school angsting had been getting on his already severely degenerated nerves.

Uhura had been happy for them, in a distantly supportive sort of way, because the break up had been awkward enough that she and Spock rarely, if ever, spent quality time together anymore. But once the mission got renewed and they were grounded temporarily for the refit (and Jim and Spock had moved into an apartment together and Uhura started dating Scotty), Jim felt secure enough in his relationship to lock them in a room together to hash it all out. It was a slow, tentative process, but Uhura and Spock finally started to become good friends again.Which totally backfired for Jim, because he’d forgotten how fucking annoying it was when those two ganged up on him.

It took them three years to pick out a china that was manly enough to appease them both (although Spock was rather confused as to why they needed china, but thank you, Doctor, while Jim just fucking _glared_ , because Bones kept snickering and saying in creepy fucking sing-song that payback was a bitch), and another two years after that to make the whole thing official. And because they were them, the ceremony took place less because they’d planned it and more because it was the only way to escape Spock getting sacrificed to the local demigods, and Pavel had cried fat, pathetic, Russian tears when they’d gotten to the I-do’s. (While he insisted he’d just been trying to prove his sensitivity in order to get into some fellow Lieutenant’s pants, Jim knew Pavel worshipped Spock like a little brother, and was also kind of a pussy.)

Sam and Spock got on like a house on fire, which was terrifying in an abstract kind of way, but Jim at least had Aurelan to suffer through the techno-babble with, and she had really good taste in liquor. Surprisingly enough, Spock was fucking fantastic with kids, and by the end of the first visit Spock had eclipsed Jim as their favorite uncle **.** Peter especially loved Uncle “Thpock;” he even stole the Elvin ears from Jackie’s old Halloween costume and refused to take the suckers off for two weeks,which Jim insisted was unfair, because Spock had cheated with science (and Coke and Mentos, and goddamnit, why hadn’t Jim thought of that first?).

Jim didn’t get on with Sarek terribly well, mainly because Sarek was fucking _frightening_ , but their relationship gradually improved with helpful tips from Ambassador Spock, and by their fifteenth anniversary, Jim felt comfortable enough to be left alone with Sarek for two whole hours.

Spock and Nona had a strange, quiet relationship that mainly consisted of trading significant looks whenever Jim did something stupid, and coming up with new and interesting ways to torture him with tofu. Jim had nearly divorced Spock for turning his mother to the vegan dark side, because his mother was scary enough as it was, and if Jim had learned one lesson since coming into regular contact with Vulcans, it was don’t fuck with vegans (because they were _hungry_ ).Look at Spock. Fucker had had his brain completely _removed,_ but hadn’t died **.**

Eventually (very, very eventually), Jim and Spock decided they’d had enough of deep space missions, and settled down in Frisco, where Jim steadily advanced to Director of Tactical, and Spock took an extended leave of absence from ‘fleet to join an intergalactic think-tank that was trying to crack the mystery that was the “horizon problem.” Jim couldn’t help but be amused by the fact that Spock’s research assistants (and quite a few of his peers) nearly jizzed in their pants every time Spock postulated something.

Not that he blamed them. One memorable time **,** back when Jim was still trying to get used to the sensory overload he experienced whenever Spock unshielded the bond, Spock had literally talked him to orgasm, and because he was a devious little shit, he’d done it while reading an excruciatingly dry article about extinct Terran fish, so now Jim instantly became hard whenever he heard the word “minnow,” and that was actually a surprisingly _easy_ word for a genius like Spock to work into conversation whenever he was feeling randy and playful, or, conversely, like a vindictive asshole.

Somewhere along the way, they ended up taking in strays, and Jim thought there was something to be said for the whole adoption thing, because their kids weren’t actually kids but youths edging into or already well ensconced in their adolescence. So, Jim and Spock played the roles of mentors more than parents, providing a secure, stable environment for kids who had never really had that, guiding them to be the people they wanted to be, and not the people society said they should become. 

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: St. Spockaholic


End file.
